Typically, I set out to produce articles that follow a straightforward blog-style format. I'll give you tips, write in simpler language, and gear it to the masses. However, there may be times I'll post in my more natural flow of writing and give you a behind-the-scenes look at The Forged and its founder, Mike Sonneveldt. This "journal" entry discussing finding identity is such a post.
It's a gamble to give you my true inner thoughts. But I'm taking the risk.
So, if you're interested in a journal-style article, keep reading. If you'd rather keep going with the straightforward blog posts, then feel free to find one of those. I'll do my best to give a tag in the title that lets you know when the article is more life blog and less development article.
Finding Identity: Showing Weakness
Writing this out takes a bit of personal guts. Frankly, we all want to put on the shine to ensure no one sees the cracks and decides we're not worth the investment. Consider what I'm writing to be more akin to truly personal thoughts.
However, I do think there's value in writing out my unsolved battles. If my inner debates and thoughts on finding identity could help another Christian man, then I need to spread those "seeds" of testimony into the vast field of the world. My prayer is that the Lord can use each and every line I write to speak to someone. I don't want to shortchange what God can do in showing His strength in our weaknesses. So I'll give Him the opportunity to use my foolish humanity for His glory.
Please note: when I discuss finding identity, I'm not talking about our foundational identity as sons of God through Christ. We present that truth in different ways because we're created to do so. Our unique identity is shaped by the Lord and is shown through the ways in which He's called us to be servants in His kingdom. It takes time to discover that aspect of our identity, and that process is that to which I'm referring.
Finding Identity When Building
Starting The Forged has been the most challenging project I've ever taken on. Since I can remember, my projects have been in some way a part of another person's vision. Thankfully, the Lord took me and molded me with the lessons I learned at each stop. As I worked for other people and helped them realize their vision, I gained plenty of skills. However, I also lacked in producing my own, unadulterated vision.
It's much easier to develop something when someone gives you directions. It's a whole different experience to not only have to design your own vision but work at finding your own identity through your organization and plan how to get there.
Working to discover God's vision for The Forged has had me wrestling with some aspects of finding identity as I work to establish this organization.
I've had to go back to square one to create a narrowed-down, focused-in version of The Forged that clearly represents me.
It's difficult because the world I'm attempting to build is extremely hazy. I have no real examples to follow because none of the other, more established organizations in this realm connect with what I'm going after. They may contain parts that are tools I could use, but the biggest reason they don't fit the bill is because they aren't me. I would be misrepresenting myself if I merely took on their look, methods, brand identity, and feel. If I went after the metrics they went after, I would be imitating.
I'm not interested in imitating my favorite people or organizations.
Finding Identity by Not Being Them
And in this industry, you most likely came across your favorite organization because of the face that leads it. You came to trust the face of the brand. You believe in the owner and who they are. You admire them. You aspire to be like them. You want to become more like that man and what he represents.
I'd be doing both of us a disservice if I tried to imitate that. And frankly, it wouldn't work. I can't be Jocko Willink or John Lovell. I've never been in the military. I don't have advanced military techniques or elite leadership tactics. To try to be them would be a farce and insult myself as a creation of God.
I have no business trying to be Garrett J. White or Alex Hormozi. I'm not a successful businessman making 6,7, or 8 figures. Trying to fake it till I make it by renting houses and cars for social media would prove I don't have an understanding of any of the strategies needed to get to those positions and then help you up the ladder.
Honestly, I fear looking like a fraud. I want to always be the most authentic presentation of my identity. To me, that's the culmination of finding identity.
Is This How We Find Identity?
While those other men may have their niches clarified, I'm still in the building stage. I could be accused of putting the cart before the horse.
After all, if I'm an organization designed to help men find purpose and identity, build transformational mindsets, and become who God intended them to be...then shouldn't my organization have all of that down pat?
(It takes a bit of a deep breath to keep that in print…)
In reality, I've transformed in a lot of ways. I continue to grow and have come a long way in discovering my purpose for the Kingdom. This new iteration of my purpose is like starting from scratch. It's been a battle. But I carry deep testimonies from the lessons I learned in past iterations of my journey through this life with the Lord.
Whether we like it or not, in this crazy world of branding, a person needs to have a clear presentation of their identity and what they stand for. Others want to know you're not finding identity, but have it and are disseminating it.
Prevailing wisdom is that you should be able to answer:
What's your angle?
What's your specialty?
What's your subculture?
So If I'm struggling with presenting my identity in a clear and true-to-me way, then doesn't that mean my organization is failing?
I'm tempted to answer that, but I'll leave the question as hypothetical. The reason is: that I believe God is putting me through this whole mess because I need to learn some lessons on bringing forward the visions He GIVES me. I need the struggle. So I can't make an honest assessment as to whether the organization is failing, because it's too early to tell.
My identity as it stands is secure. Whether The Forged succeeds or fails does not change the fact that I am God's son, built to invest my talents into His Kingdom. I am a servant given the task of taking what He has given and multiplying it.
But I've also been given this vessel (The Forged). He put it in my heart. He helped shape it. He's moved me forward and opened up opportunities to go after it. I want to treat this vessel with the utmost respect and honor.
What's difficult is that I don't know how to do it. The public application of what is in my heart still eludes me. It's as though it's covered in dirt and I'm slowly brushing away the obscurity. I desire more than anything to know the exact method the Lord wants me to use.
Does He want me to pursue public speaking? Writing? Programs and curriculums? Community organizing? Consultation for groups and organizations? All of it?
I have abilities to do any of those things, but which one is the right one?
I know He has a vision for me, but it hides around the corner from me.
So I battle each day to figure out the difference between busy work and action.
Thankfully, I learned an important lesson that permitted me to do what I feared.
Finding Identity Clicks into Place
I spoke with a friend who fit the pieces for me today. It's not as though I got the answer to the question, but I realized I was asking the wrong question.
I started by asking if he had time for a deep question. He said yes, though he admitted afterward that he thought I was joking around.
That'll teach him to say yes to that type of thing…
I asked him about this battle of finding identity and whether he still works on his identity to this day. (Please note, I do not use the word identity in my question to define whether we're in Christ or not, but the purpose that God-shaped uniquely for each of us.)
After a while of talking and a lot of confirmation from the Lord, my friend gave me a powerful piece that I could walk away with.
I need to be unafraid to explore. I need to learn my lessons through perseverance. I need to be okay to make my own way and know that the Lord isn't going to curse me for exploring how to follow through with the mission He's given me.
And something clicked for me in that.
I love physical challenges. I love when a workout sucks because my mind tells me to quit, and the small voice tells me to keep going. My strength and ability increase when I listen to the small voice and ignore the loud alarm bells telling me to compromise and quit. I've always believed those physical lessons transfer well to other areas of my life.
It's no different in this situation. And that's what I hadn't connected before today.
This deep dive into who I am sucks. It's difficult. It's hazy. Everything in me is telling me that I won't be able to complete the process and that it'd be easier to quit. But the small voice tells me to keep going and to persevere. I need to keep getting up in the morning and do something with my time.
I need to learn from this time of struggle and explore different options. Whether it pays off or not.
I'm Learning through Finding Identity
The formation of my method for carrying out my purpose is yet to come. Finding identity becomes a journey. I have plenty of skills and abilities that could aid me, and some may be useful. But at this moment, it's okay to explore and try different avenues.
That being said, I don't have to keep doing those things which grate against who I am.
The stuff that lights my fire is more likely to be the stuff to pursue, while the stuff that feels like dragging nails on a chalkboard is most likely not needed in my wheelhouse.
For instance: I enjoy writing. I hate posting pictures on Instagram. While others may tell me that I need to have the most hopping Instagram on the planet, I'm going to listen to the Lord and not pursue what He hasn't placed on my heart.
Instead, I'm going to explore and lean into those things that give me a taste of satisfaction as I work.
As far as my identity? I know I'm a child of God. I know I'm here to further the Kingdom and disciple. That's not up for debate.
The more I explore the methods to share testimony, wisdom, and discipleship with other men, the more likely I will be to figure out the pathway that God designed for me. My battle with finding identity will aid others in theirs.
Have I figured out how my organization will best do that? Nope. Does it currently feel like a scattershot? Yes. But after today, I'm a little more okay with that.
Take on the challenge of transforming. If you want to build deeper, longer-lasting relationships as you grow in confidence, then get our newest book, The Hidden Ones - 21 Tactics for Transformation today. Otherwise, visit The Forged to learn more about our exclusive, personal programs that help men in communities across the nation grow every day.
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